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sleep away a silent pain screaming out my name

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[15 Dec 2004|02:04pm]
i need a new year, this past one has had too many ups and downs and i dont like roller coasters that much.
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[15 Dec 2004|12:11am]
maybe you should tell your parents about your friends you drink with

maybe you can ask your parents for the plan b pill your "friend" needs

maybe you can tell your parents why i would have the plan b pill, because you were irresponsible and procrastinated on the birth control and i had to pay to get an abortion

maybe you can tell your parents about why you "quit" hollywood video.

maybe i can show your parents the bills coming for you from Hollywood Video requesting money

maybe i can explain how you stole money and movies from Hollywood Video

maybe i should've never started talking to you

dont call me or email me again, i would've never guessed you would've turned into this.
5 comments|post comment

[14 Dec 2004|09:52pm]

Last cigarette: i cant even remember. jim thats recording us smokes hella cigarettes, so ive smoked an equivelant of quite a few from second hand smoke! oh well hes a cool guy
Last car ride: chris grace and i took our stuff from the recording studio to our homes...but were still planning on recording more.
Last good cry: uhhh when i was talking to troy. how gay does that seem
Last kiss: eryn...
Last phone call: chris sturm saying his transmission broke
Last shoes worn: vans skull shoes
Last song played: Saves The Day - See You
Last item bought: a small bag of doritos
Last annoyance: dari. you can have the plan b pill for your "friend" but you can't have the condoms. i cant believe youve become a drunken whore we'd always make fun of on tv. someone's immature. don't even think of getting back together with me now.
Last website visited: livejournal
Last words you said: yeah thats cool
Last song you sang: Saves The Day - At Your Funeral
What color of underwear are you wearing? blue
What's under your bed?: a fucking skateboard. and i hate skateboarders.
What time did you wake up today?: 7:15am


Where do you want to go? college! no!!
What is your career going to be? Logic Vs. Romance
Where are you going to live? with me
How many kids do you want? i dont care, whatever we want when whoever im with and i decide that...
What kind of car(s): a shit one of those new mustangs dude.

Current mood: disgusted, angry, alone, hopeful, optimistic.
Current music: chapelles show is on now
Current taste: dry mouth
Current hair: nice, i like it
Current clothes: jeans, underOATH shirt
Current hate: drunken whores (as usual)

(X) - you've done
(_) - you haven't done

(X) been drunk
(X) been high
(X) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) kissed a member of the same sex
(_) crashed a friend's car
(_) been to Japan
(X) ridden in a taxi
(X) been dumped
(x) been in a fist fight
(_) snuck out of my parent's house
(X) ever dated someone of the opposite sex
(_) ever dated someone of the same sex
(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) been arrested
(_) made out with a stranger
(xNOTMYCURRENTONE) Stole something from my job
(_) celebrated new years in times square
(_) gone on a blind date
(X) had a crush on a teacher
(_) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(_) been to Europe
(X) skipped school
(X) cut myself on purpose
(_) been married
(_) gotten divorced
(_) had children
(_) seen someone die
(_) been to Africa
(x) punched a friend when playing around
(_) been to Canada
(_) been to Mexico
(_) been on a plane
(X) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(_) thrown up in a bar
(_) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(_) eaten sushi
(_) been snowboarding
(X) met someone in person from the internet
(X) been moshing at a concert
(X) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(xforrealsdude,iwasabused) been in an abusive relationship (verbal)
(_) taken painkillers


1. Nervous Habits? biting my finger nails oh well
2. Are you double jointed? no
3. Can you roll your tongue? yes
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? yes
5. Can you blow spit bubble? yeah
6. Can you cross your eyes? yeah
7. Piercings and where? none
8. Do you make your bed daily? yes

10. Which shoe goes on first? whichever i grab
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet? not much lately i just gamble
13. What jewelry do you wear? just a watch
14. Favorite piece of clothing? i dunno i like a lot of shirts. probably my white/pink smiths shirt.


15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? whichever works
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? no
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? cookie dough
18. Favorite candy treat? it varies
19. Ideal bagel? cheese
20. How many cereals in your cabinet? zero
2 comments|post comment

[14 Dec 2004|09:08pm]
im sorry but i have to make one of those big once a month self absorbed poor me conceited asshole posts.

when will most of you realize i am a valuable asset to your life?

do you realize the love i bring?

do you realize the musical talent i bring?

do you realize the creativity i bring?

do you realize how much i care about you?

do you realize i have very good morals for the most part?

do you realize i have goals and when i say im going to accomplish them i mean it?

do you realize i am a very open person?

do you realize someone that would put up with the way youve treated him for 2 years like this must really care about you?

do you realize im one of the hardest workers youll ever meet in your life?

do you realize im lonely?

do you realize i feel like i have no true friends?

do you realize how lonely i am honestly?

do you realize i chose to be this way?

do you realize how much love i have to give?

do you realize how many times ive turned that love into self-hate and wanted to die?

do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?

do you realize?
8 comments|post comment

[14 Dec 2004|08:57pm]
is it wrong for me to be bothered by this when I am the one that caused it?

is it wrong for me to be bothered by this, but not want to fix it because i know things will just go back to the way they were?

if you think this is about you it probably isnt.
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[13 Dec 2004|07:29pm]
im sorry its just i am your friend (we all have been your friend) and you said you promised it would never interfere and now it is. you know it is. please don't let it end up the wrong way. you know the things id do for all of us...we cant throw this away.

like the back of the sweatshirt we both have:

you know who you are.

don't let it end up this way. you're not replaceable...
2 comments|post comment

[11 Dec 2004|01:07pm]
once again i am reminded of the past.

and im listening to the starting line. lets travel back in time.

once again in self defense, i wont sleep a wink to prevent dreaming of you.
5 comments|post comment

[11 Dec 2004|12:58pm]
here it goes and this wont take long
just let me dedicate a song
to a girl who turned this boy to stone
and you know who you are
heres a hint
she doesnt have a car
or "the time to be in love" with me
why did you say
"this feeling has to stay"
and left me to wait for so long?
you dont have to stay
but i hope that you would anyway
all you do is up and go
excuse me but this wont take long
im sorry for writing you this song
but what do you think you deserve?
because when you had the chance for romance
you burn it at both ends
i guess im not sorry in the least
what made you say
"this feeling has to stay"
breaking this up for so long
you dont have to go
what makes you stay we'll never know
all you do is up and go
what would make you stay?
i guess we'll never know
you didnt have to stay so you didnt
you upped and went away
all you do is up and go
2 comments|post comment

[11 Dec 2004|12:17pm]
2 comments|post comment

[11 Dec 2004|12:53am]
i hfgdfgdfgdfgagdfgdte gdfgfdmyfgdgdfself for the wgdfgdfay gfdi am somegfdgdfgtimgdfgdfgfdgfdesgfdfdgdfdffdgdf
igffdgdfgfdgfdfdgd wgfdgorrfgfdgfdgdfy mdfgdyself to deatdfgh. i wonder if shes at gdfgthgdfgfdgfde concert making ogdfgdufgdfgdfdgdgdfgdfgt witgdfghdfelse, or dffdgdfgif she likesdfgdf somefdgdfgone egfdlse, or dfgfdif im not dffdgthe gfdgonly ggfdgfuygdfdfgf she'll kgdfgidfgdfss witgfgfddfgdfhin thefdgfg nfgdfgext week fdggdfdont hurt me.g love you, and i hope this time wefgdfgdfgdfg can do egdfgfdgverythfgdfging right

and you know what fuck it i was going to go into this whole post but it doesnt matter, it wont affect the outcome. life isnt that great its kind of shaky right now.
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[11 Dec 2004|12:21am]
full review of my day

left at 11am to go buy the nssn ticket in berkeley for 40$

waited until 1pm, the person never showed up.

went to bill graham civic, asked people in line for an extra ticket...found jason, veronica and rachel at the end of the line, hung out with them.

finally a budweiser guy sold me a ticket for 50$.

heres how the show went

Poor Bailey - 4/10 - Yeah, if Bailey was in this band, you're damn right it's Poor Bailey borrring...they get the 4 for sounding kind of like sunny day real estate

Taking Back Sunday - 8/10 - Awesome as usual but only 6 songs...

Muse - 10/10 - best live band i have ever seen. ever. honestly.

Interpol - 5/10 - the first 3 songs had me interested, but the rest just blended and made it boring.

The Killers - 8/10 - They still dont have much of a stage presence, but the music was good and i got the set list :)

Franz Ferdinand - 10/10 - wow carman was right, even though i dont like their cd i loved them live, these guys know how to perform.

Modest Mouse - 7/10 - eh, modest mouse live what can you say.

muse alone made it worth my money. oh and lyrics born did a couple of songs with dan the automator.
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[10 Dec 2004|07:53am]
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[10 Dec 2004|07:16am]
last night:

zack and i finished drum and guitar tracks for the first 5 songs.

last night/this morning:

i worked 10-630


i am going to san francisco to try to buy a not so silent night ticket.
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[09 Dec 2004|05:30am]



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[09 Dec 2004|03:31am]
yeah yeah yeah
yeahyeah yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeahyeah
hey hey hey
2 comments|post comment

[09 Dec 2004|02:25am]
nevermind she just blew it. she said "we could go horse ride backing"
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[09 Dec 2004|02:24am]
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[07 Dec 2004|12:05pm]
i think from now on once a day im going to find something incredibly stupid or pointless on a random myspace and post it. heres the first one, its an entry from some ugly kid:

Current mood: artistic

It snowed today...i had a date last night and i go to pick her up and shes on her porch making out with her ex-boyfriend ..what a slut....then i remembered she was a slut and went hom and watched Bad Boys 2.
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[07 Dec 2004|01:34am]

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[06 Dec 2004|02:48pm]

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